Wha' happen to you,
Mr. Shooli asks Pinoys
by Jarius Bondoc - Nov. 1, 2023
Manuel "Jun" Urbano is 2023 Gawad
Plaridel Awardee of the University of the Philippines College of Mass
Communications.
In reviving the prestigious award
post-pandemic, UP-CMC couldn't have honored a better media man. Urbano mastered
three fields. He produced films "Juan Tamad and Mr. Shooli" and
"M.O.N.A.Y." He directed ads, like San Miguel Beer's notable
"Isang Platitong Manê". He starred on television as Mr. Shooli of
"Mongolian Barbecue", parodies of hot issues.
Urbano sent Mr. Shooli to read his acceptance
speech Oct. 11th. The latter left the draft in the taxi and so extemporized.
Mr. Shooli recounted copping a student
exchange program to Manila in the early '50s. He enrolled at Ateneo De La Salle
where he met Erap: "Grade 1 pa lang kami may bigote na siya. May wristband
din para raw malaman kung ano ang kaliwa at kanang kamay niya." Once,
Teacher asked Shooli to spell "success". He whispered to Erap if
there's one or two s's at the end. Erap advised him to put in three, "para
sigurado."
Shooli observed Filipinos: "Masayahin,
matatag. Bagyo, lindol, baha, Pilipino tatawa lang.
"Mapagbigay. Kung may bisita sa bahay,
gawa paraan para maligaya. Sa master's bedroom pinapatulog.
"Matulungin sa kapwa -- nagbabayanihan.
"Pilipino mahal ang Diyos, the only
Christian country in southeast Asia.
"Pilipino very respectful. Sa wika niyo
may 'opo' at 'oho' to address elders. Applaud yourselves."
In 1946 right after the War, Shooli recalled,
the Philippine economy was second only to Japan's. It had a national airline.
Indonesians, Malaysians, Vietnamese who wanted to become doctors studied at
UST. For agriculture and animal husbandry they went to IRRI and UP.
At the end of the exchange program, Shooli
returned to indigence in the northlands. He heard that Erap was kicked out of
2nd year high school. Still, Erap became president: "Nasipa uli nu'ng 2nd
year na pangulo siya."
Mr. Shooli returned to Manila on classmates'
invitation with compli plane fare to a reunion. He was excited to see the
beautiful country he so admired. He imagined Filipinos to have progressed by
leaps and bounds during his 70-year absence.
Unable to sleep, Shooli kept asking the flight
steward where they were flying over: Alaska, Arabia, etc. Hours later his
seatmate stuck a hand out the porthole and said they must be in Manila. How did
he know? His wristwatch got snatched.
"Sa airport inspeksyon ng Customs apat
maleta ko. Paglabas ko sa airport, isa na lang maleta ko," Mr. Shooli
sighed. "Sakay ako taksi, sobra trapik! Nakita ko sign: 'Bawal magtapon ng
basura.' Pero sa paligid dami basura. Meron isa pa: 'Bawal umihi dito.' Pero
mga lalaki ipinipirma pa ihi nila sa pader. Overtake kami sa motorcycle, riding
in tandem. Binaril nila sa ulo yung tao.
"Am I in Philippines? This is not
Philippines I know! Hindi ganito Pilipino.
"Tapos sa TV news panood ko raid sa shabu
den. 'Hoy, mga shabu pusher, suko na kayo, mga pulis ito.' Sagot ng ni-raid
nila, 'Hindi kami susuko, mga pulis din kami.'
"Noong araw, Pilipinas no. 1 exporter ng
sugar. Ngayon world's no. 1 importer of rice. Pati gulay, onion, galunggong
import. Pilipinas puro isla paligid ng dagat, pero bakit import ng isda, pati
asin? Pilipino naghihirap. Pero may kumikita sa paghihirap nila.
"May export ang Pilipino. Export niyo si
nanay, export niyo si tatay, export niyo si ate at kuya -- OFW. Ang kanila
kinikita pampalutang sa economy. Tawag sa kanila 'mga bagong bayani'. But at
what sacrifice? Minsan bagong bayani niyo umuuwi sa Pilipinas nasa kabaong;
pinatay ng employer. Minsan umuuwi sila sa sirang pamilya. Kasi walang
hanapbuhay sa Philippines.
"Pulitika niyo no. 1 pinakawalanghiya.
Nu'ng araw democracy: government of the people, for the people, by the people.
Ngayon government of a few people, for a few people, by a few people.
"There are 110 million Filipinos.
Senators niyo 24 lang. Dalawa pares magkapatid, isang pares mag-ina. Merong
ex-convict, meron plunderer, meron involved sa extrajudicial killings. Nu'ng
araw mga politiko niyo sina Manglapuz, Pelaez, Osias, Rodrigo, mga
kagalang-galang. Ngayon mga politiko niyo kagulang-gulang.
"Ano nangyari? 'Di ba kayo pumipili sa
kanila? What happened to you?
"Alam niyo ba kaibahan ng ordinary thief
at political thief? Ordinary thief pumipili sino nanakawan niya. Political
thief kayo ang pumipili ku'ng sino nananakaw sainyo.
"Eighty-percent Christian daw Pilipino.
Pero may pulitiko diyan sabi, 'who is this stupid God?' He called your God
stupid, wala kayo imik. Okey lang?
"Tao ngayon wala nang sense of value.
Parang 'yung dalawang naglalakad sa bukid. Nakita nila carabao dung; tinikman
nila; natiyak nila na carabao dung; buti na lang daw hindi nila naapakan.
"Politiko main problem niyo. Hindi sila
public service, self-service na. Pagkatapos mag-presidente tatakbo pa mayor,
ayaw mawalan ng puwesto. Si Congressman Manhik-Manaog termed out na, kaya
tatakbo governor. Tanong ko sakanya ku'ng lalabanan niya misis niya na governor
ngayon. Sabi niya, 'Hindi, misis ko takbo senador.'
"Eh sino takbo congressman pamalit sayo?
Sagot niya, 'Yung anak kong panganay na mayor.'
"Sino tatakbo mayor? Sabi niya, 'Yung
bunso namin na konsehal.'
"Sabi ko sa kanya, galing-galing niyo,
politika hanapbahay ng pamilya niyo. 'Yong aso mo na lang walang pwesto ah.
Sagot niya, 'Hoy wag mo malitiin aso namin, barangay chairman 'yan.'"
Mr. Shooli concluded: "I remember what
one of your National Artists Manuel Conde told me about Filipinos. If you want
your patient to get well but he refuses to take the bitter pill, patawanin mo.
Pagbukas ng bibig niya isubo mo ang gamot sa kanya." Thus did Mr. Shooli
satirize today's Filipino.
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